Thursday, July 18, 2013

Summer Daze.

This heat is killin' me! I know, I know -- I go to college in Tempe, AZ; I can fry an egg on the car hood.  But this is different, and I'm currently residing in Pennsylvania, remember?  I can take the heat, really I can.  In PA, though, Mother Nature has graciously blessed us with severe humidity (ya crazy woman).  I step outside to get the mail, and when I come back, I can swim in my own bodily fluids (I apologize for the particularly gruesome details, but try to envision my plight).  I get slightly ticked when AZ residents complain, "Ugh, it feels so humid, today!"  Folks... you don't even know humidity.  

BEHOLD!  So this is what hell is like... no wonder Satan is miserable.  Perhaps I am being a bit dramatic... I mean, some good things have resulted from this excessive heat warning.  For instance, I didn't have to work at the library this afternoon.  It costs too much energy to power Ursinus College, and it's not like the library is overflowing with students over the summer, so I'm off the hook.  We also have our methods of staying cool -- homemade popsicles, smoothies, cold showers, sitting on air vents...

So today... I went to a glorious place. That's right, folks -- IKEA.  Can you even fathom that today was the first time that I laid eyes on such a furniture sanctuary?  Before, I thought: It's a furniture store. What's so great about that? I deserved a mighty kick-in-the-pants.  Ingvar Kamprad, you blessed man, I give you my sincerest thanks for founding IKEA.  Seriously, I could live in this place.  There are furnished rooms (a billion, I might add), they have everything (including a fish-shaped ice cub tray that happily resides in our freezer), and there is even food (awesome, delicious, cheap food).  There are infinity-and-one hiding places, so the security guards would never find me as I make myself comfortable in this humble abode. 

You know why else Satan is miserable...?  There's no IKEA in hell.


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