Tuesday, April 1, 2014

A Sad Bird + An Even Sadder Girl.

People probably think I'm destined to become a serial killer.  There are several warning signs indicating that a person could potentially become murderous.  I suppose this one, in particular, rings true with me.

Warning Sign #3: Torturing Small Animals

Serial killers typically do not feel remorse when they harm animals.  I do not intentionally harm animals, and I am overcome with remorse if I happen to accidentally torture a creature.  Seriously, one time a beautiful monarch butterfly got crumpled in the grill of my car, and I wept like a sinner in Church.

As you already know, I've had terrible luck with animals. Last semester, I ran over a cat.  I was so devastated that I skipped class and polished off an entire tub of ice-cream.  I'll also remind you of the three furry creatures that got locked inside the utility closet.  Their death was tragic, horrifying, and messy.  Last year, my beloved fish was dying, and I couldn't flush it down the toilet, so I stuck it in the freezer, hoping that turning the thing into a popsicle would be the most merciful way to bring about an inevitable end. 

Well, my tragic animal encounter this morning just might reign supreme.  I was driving to school, and a small bird decided to take a dump on my windshield as I was stuck at a red light.  I was slightly angry because I try to maintain a clean vehicle.  After all, I am a classy lady.  The bird was still on my windshield, so I turned on my windshield wipers.  The bird's wing and leg got caught in the windshield wiper, and it was unable to free itself.  I was absolutely mortified, especially as the light turned green, and I was driving with a suffering bird trapped on my windshield.  It was particularly embarrassing to see fellow drivers gawking at my car.  They were probably wondering what kind of insensitive monster would condemn a bird to such a gruesome fate.

I drove for a good ten minutes.... with a bird stuck on my windshield.  I finally got to school, and when I lifted up the wiper, the bird flew away with a seriously injured wing.  I gingerly removed some feathers from the wipers.  I still feel terrible.  I feel like there are several animals in Animal Heaven that are seriously ticked off with me. 

I wish there was a happy conclusion to this story, but there's not.  So... the end.


  1. That is a really sad and disgusting story! I think I would throw up if a bird was stuck on my window like that. So nasty! I can't handle dead or hurt animals very well. Don't feel too bad, that bird learned a valuable lesson that day... :)

  2. I certainly hope that's the case, Jenn! Every time I see a bird now, I freak out and I'm afraid that I'll kill it.